imagining things

I had a talk with Andy before. I've compeltely been imagining the whole being judged thing. Which I think could be true.

I spent today reflecting about what's been going on in my entire life. I've found that, because of everything I've been through, I don't have a lot of self-confidence. I know I can act confidence, but all I'm doing is acting. I never want to ask for the best things because I feel like I don't deserve it. I work my ass off for the things I want and when I do get it, I still feel like I don't deserve it.

I honestly feel like I don't deserve good things. Not because I'm a bad person, but because of how I've been made to feel growing up. All my life experiences that have taught me this. Yeah I know, you're probably going to tell me everyone deserves good things. Tell that to my brain. Whenever something good happens or is happening to me, I feel like running.

Everyone that I've met through Usana and work with are lovely people. They are so encouraging and supportive. Yesterday I had to do a talk in front of the group (there were only a few of us) and I was sooooo nervous. After my speech, all I saw were smiles, noone cared that I forgot half the things I wanted to say (they didn't know lOL), all they cared about was that I got up to speak. That's what is so great about Usana, there's so much support to develop yourself as a person. I think because it is so great and that I'm surrounded by such an amazing bunch of people that I feel unworthy and judged.